Sunday, August 21, 2011

Perry Flopper and the Witch's Kidney Stone Chapter Four

Perry Flopper and the Witch’s Kidney Stone
Chapter Four: In Which Perry Flies On a Plane

“So, let me get this straight.” Don said. “You are 'the' Perry Flopper?”
“Yes.” Perry said.
“You even have the star-shaped scar on your tushy?” Don asked.
“Yes.” Perry said.
“Can I see it?” Don asked.
“What?!” Perry exclaimed.
“I wanna see your butt-scar.” Don said.
“I don’t think that’s gonna happen!” Perry said.
“Why not?” Spudley asked. “I’ve never seen it either.”
“Shut up, Spudley.” Perry said.
“I’m stupid.” Spudley said.
“Well, I don’t believe you’re Perry Flopper unless you show me the scar.” Don said.
“I’m fine with that.” Perry said. Suddenly, electric guitar music started playing. A kid wearing a black hoodie, pre-ripped jeans and black converse walked into their booth and asked, “Can I sit here?”
“Sure.” Perry said.
“I’m fine with it.” Don said. Spudley just drooled in the corner, unaware of this new guy’s presence. The new guy sat down. “My name is Axe.” Said the new guy.
“My name is Don.” Don said. “These are my friends Spudley and Harry.”
“My name is Perry.” Perry said.
“I don’t believe that until you show me the scar.” Don said.
“Scar? Perry? You’re Perry Flopper?” Axe asked.
“How does everyone know my name?” Perry asked.
“You’re world famous dude.” Axe said. “Alright, I can’t focus with that electric guitar going. Could someone turn it down?” A whole bunch of muffled screaming noises were heard in the background. All that they could make out was some guy screaming, “What do you got against the classics, Man?!” Then, a suspicious “BANG” sound was heard. “That’s morbid.” Spudley said.

A girl with red hair went skipping by their booth, and Donald was smitten. “Donald.” Perry said.
“What?” Don said while staring into space.
“You’re drooling on my shoe.” Perry said.
“That’s nice.” Don said. Perry smacked Donald back to Earth. Don then proceeded to smack Perry, so Perry smacked Spudley. “What is with you, Don?” Perry asked.
“I just saw an angel.” Don said.
“Let me see.” Axe said. Axe looked out the door to see the red-haired girl’s face. He pulled his head back in with a frown on his face.
“More like a demon.” Axe said.
“What’s wrong?” Don asked.
“That’s Gryphon Jiggletoy.” Axe said.
“Who’s Gryphon Jiggletoy?” Perry asked.
“Oh, Harry. If only you were smart enough to understand, we would tell you.” Don said.
“My name is Perry.” Perry said.
“That’s not what your butt says.” Don said.
“The Jiggletoys aren’t the best family.” Axe said.
“Why? What’s wrong with them?” Perry asked.
“They’re from England.” Axe said.
“That’s all you need to say.” Perry said.

The plane took off after the long wait. “Anything from the trolley?” Said the lady with the candy cart.
“Sure.” Perry said. He bought a whole bunch of candy with the money from the bank. The lady left while Perry and his friends ate candy without giving any to Spudley. “That’s Ok.” Spudley said. “It would make Hugh uncomfortable if I ate any.”
“So, where did you get this money?” Don asked. Perry and Spudley exchanged glances. “Baggy Shorts Bank.” Perry said.
“Oh. You must have gotten there before it was robbed.” Don said. “Word is, some guys with ski masks and a toy gun went in and slaughtered the gremlins once they got their money.”
“Oh, my.” Axe said. “Toy guns are the only thing that can kill a gremlin.”
“Really? I didn’t know that.” Perry said. “So, what did you mean when you said I’m world famous?”
“Dude! You’re the ‘kid that made it out alive’, man.” Axe said.
“Please explain.” Perry said.
“When the Guy-Who-Must-Not-Have-His-Name-Said-Or-Bad-Things-Happen attacked and slaughtered your parents, he gave you a big ol’ butt-scar on your right butt cheek.” Axe said.
“That’s putting it delicately, isn’t it?” Perry said.
“I wonder what exciting things will happen at Frogwarts this year.” Spudley randomly blurted. Everyone stared at him for a bit. Then, they proceeded to pound on Spudley until he puked his guts out. “That wasn’t as bad as last time.” Spudley said, spitting out a tooth.
“That oughta teach him to talk to us.” Perry said.
“Hey, Perry.” Axe said. “Maybe we should lay off Spudley.”
“Why?” Perry asked.
“Because the writer might receive some nasty letters from people who dislike the violent element to this.” Axe said. “Young people are our target audience.”
“Oh, ok.” Perry said. “I guess.”
“That’s ok. I know what happens to Spudley later.” Don said.
“What happens?” Perry asked.
“You haven’t already read this story?” Don asked.
“No. We haven’t.” Axe said.
“Oh. Then I should keep myself tight-lipped.” Don said.
“Anyway. Getting back on subject. The attack that… the bad guy intended for you was meant to kill you, but it only left a scar.” Axe said.
“What makes me so special that I lived?” Perry asked.
“You’re the main character. Without you, we wouldn’t have a story to tell.” Don said.
“That’s a pretty good reason.” Perry said.

The flight took quite a long time. Perry had to resort to a few things he only does in times of extreme boredom: he flicked Spudley more than once per hour, he gave Spudley wet willies more than six times per hour, he clipped his toe nails, he brushed his teeth and hair, he flossed and he pushed that button on the ceiling that calls the flight attendant, just to be annoying. It got to the point that they called in a mechanic to take that button out of there. “Poop!” Perry said. “Now what do I do?”
“You can flick me again.” Spudley said. Perry flicked him one last time and said, “That’s kind of lost it’s flavor.”
“Yes!” Spudley said.
“For today.” Perry continued.
“Dang.” Spudley said.
“Hello, everybody. This is your pilot speaking.” The pilot said on the intercom.
“That sounds suspiciously like the writer.” Perry said. Hehehe. They already found me out. “We will be landing shortly.” I continued. “You should buckle yourselves in. You 'really' should.” The plane then proceeded into an immediate nose dive without warning. Perry and Spudley wet their pants while everyone else on the plane slept straight through it. “Hey, you two.” I said on the intercom. “Quick being little babies! This is exactly what every airplane in the world, magical or not, is like.”
“No.” Spudley said.
“And, guess what.” I said.
“What?” Perry asked.
“We lost your luggage. On purpose!” I said. “Mwahahaha!!”
“NOOOO!” Spudley yelled.
“And, guess what else.” I said.
“What?! What could your sick, twisted, demonic mind possibly whip up for us this time?!!” Perry asked.
“We have landed.” I said. “Time for you to get off and enjoy your stay at beautiful Frogwarts. Founded in 4004 B.C.” Perry just sat there, dumbfounded. Honestly, I can’t really blame him. That was really scary, even for me.