Perry Flopper and the Witch’s Kidney Stone
Prologue: In Which Perry Get’s Dropped Off at His Overly Friendly Relatives’ House
Today is a usual, dull, boring day for the Giggleflapindoodlecuttymcflyfurths. Aunty went into intense labor yesterday and brought Spudley home today. It was boring. Uncle got hit by six semis, three motorcycles, two SUVs and a kid on a trike. Boring. Uncle arrived home and said, “It was a usual, dull, boring day at work.” Uncle’s job was to be an idiot in traffic. It paid good, but he wanted more zest in his jobs. More excitement, more adventure. He wanted to be, a Mailman. He got paid one hundred dollars for every semi, fifty dollars for every motorcycle, twenty-five dollars for every SUV, and half a buck for every tricycle that hit him. No one knows how he got that job or who gave it to him. All they know is that it has something to do with a loan shark in Toledo. “Oh poo.” Said Aunty.
“What?” Asked Uncle.
“I won the lottery again.” She said. “I was hoping for something a bit different.” Night soon fell on Skillet Drive. A small bat perched on the sign. A strange man with weird glasses and a long white beard walked down the street. “Hello, Professor Mongolia.” He said to the bat. The bat’s structure suddenly shifted and squirm until it turned into a tall woman with gray hair. Professor Mongolia fell of the sign and hurt her back. “Ow! I fell off the sign and hurt my back! Just like the previous sentence said!” Said Mongolia. “Hello, Headmaster Dumblestiltskin.” They walked to the end of the street as if they were waiting for someone. Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a broomstick! No! It’s Earwig in his flying minivan! “Uh oh!” Said Earwig. “The engine’s on fire!” He grabbed a basket and hopped out the door as the van spiraled downward. “What’s all that racket?!” Uncle yelled as he ran out into the street. The flying van crashed into him and blew up. Earwig landed on his feet and handed the basket to Dumblestiltskin. The three of them walked up to the door and knocked. A frightened Aunty opened the door. “Ma’am. Are you okay?” Asked Earwig.
“Oh. I’m watching Friday the 13th. Would you care to join me?” Asked Aunty.
“No Ma’am. We are here strictly on business.” Said Dumblestiltskin.
“What kind of business?” Asked Aunty.
“We’re baby salesmen.” Said Mongolia.
“Isn’t that illegal?” Asked Aunty.
“Yes.” Said Mongolia.
“I’ll take it.” Said Aunty. “How much?”
“Thirty-one dollars.” Said Earwig.
“Ooh. That’s a little expensive for a baby.” Said Aunty.
“ Alright. We’ll take off fifteen percent.” Said Dumblestiltskin.
“Ok.” Said Aunty. She gave them the money, took the baby and closed the door. “Hey.” Said Aunty. “This is my nephew.”